So, you might have guessed it already - I'm talking about that greener-on-the-other-side-of-the-fence kinda nonsense . . . almost always wanting something other than what we have and (only subconsciously – if you're lucky) plotting how to GET IT (this very much incl. getting him/her).
By now I can truly say - I've witnessed and heard (herded too) and enormous amount of bad, good & stupid excuses / behaviour patterns. I also know a thing or two about tormenting, longwinded debates - - - These either take place under siege within a relationship or whilst discussing / commenting on the 'opposite-sex-thinking-mechanism-defaults' (in true veteran-style), from the sideline. The latter I will refer to in future as side-line commentary (not really an accurate course of action – seeing that each relationship / fling / partnership have unique qualities). General side-line commentary rarely leads to anything positive, but mostly develop serious cynical thinking patterns. So, yeah, I'm guilty as charged and on both accounts (ok, ok... on all 3 accounts - if you throw in the cynical thinking).
So . . . from the sideline → Men voice their frustration about not getting the right girl and visa versa. Some dudes think of us gals as 'femme-confuses' – terminally suffering from magnetic malfunctions, drawing all badboy material into our forcefields followed by bemoaning our hugely disappointing experience after we've realized the magnetism was purely illusive and surprisingly rife with bad behaviour. In true Gareth Cliff, 5FM-style . . . 'like water through a hosepipe – these are the days of or lives'.
My newfound repetitive disappointment is - that whilst the bad guys was really bad (yet they took what they wanted) the 'good' (romantic, dedicated, caring) men out there aren't balsy enough (spinelessness-seroses … or is that 'se-moses'?). They hardly sommer make a move – rather waiting for a SIGN from the girl to avoid making an idiot out of themselves. They want to play it safe, yet feel perfectly happy generalizing the average girl as a bad-boy-seeker. And once the girl falls into the trap to 'give-a-sign' (clear ones too) . . . they often fall back / hide behind the 'men-should-be-the-hunters' and 'women-should-not-throw-themselves-at-men' type of sideline commentary amongst their equally single bloke-buddies. As you can see . . . a cycle filled with serious voids!
The past (their younger experiences) taught them boys some serious lessons – they've learned that good girls end up going for bad men, and even if you they try their very best to impress – somehow will still get a kick in teeth followed by a swift disposal / exit onto pavement. Hence – why bother.
The past (our younger experiences) taught us girls some serious lessons – we've often had to witness that bad boys are only fun for a limited period, then these boys simply become reckless - - - mostly with our hearts (running off with skinnier, younger, reckless femme versions). We then vow to hold off until a 'good' man comes along, but simultaneously, we (subconsciously – if you're lucky) believe that all the good men are taken. Hence – kinda giving up on holding-off.
Sadly - I think that the remaining good men, might also believe (perhaps less subconsciously) that all the good women are taken. Super big gaps in this 'let's-get-together' senario – don't you think?
Now, the REAL question - how to bring these (now wiser, yet also more cynical) opposite genders together . . . ?
While I've been romanced before - the circumstances were complicated and a future together not quite realistic – right place (possibly) wrong time (definitely). In years to follow I've settled for more bad-boy entanglements, but eventually recognized the enormous difference between getting dragged off to planet-adventure vs being romanced & treated special.
Two points: There are either a huge magic-wand shortage or we all need to spend a little more time doing some introspection. All this confusion (should you really make an effort to face it) eloquently expose you to a thing of dazzling beauty . . . the TRUTH, your truth!
Men complaining about female complexities, should consider how much they might have contributed to the general development of 'femme-complexes' during their short lifespans. Femmes complaining about past bad-boy experiences should learn from it and without a doubt - hold off until a good vintage of a man comes around.
Not knowing / neither believing that magic wands have any power whatsoever – I hold on to my belief that pre-ordained, devine intervention, coupled with the right-place-right-time scenario, will bring these drifting shores together somehow. If it's meant to be, it will be! – our internal compass was preset before birth. Our laziness to pay enough attention to the details, ignoring gut feelings . . . yes, yes, those choices – they are the ones leading us via slow winding detours. Yet – the lessons learnt from those wrong-turns, I found = priceless!
When the horseless cowboy (my last excuse left for the tediousness of this LONG wait) finally emerges from the dust of the desert storm he's been fighting through – we'll cross ways and make eye contact. It'll be a totally fresh kind of connection. He'll get to know all about my eccentricities, learn to deal with my occasional meltdowns, come to enjoy my caring nature _ there'll be a combined appreciation for good humour and creativity and I'll even come to accept his occasional-complex-bad-boy-behaviour.
Magical wands don't exist & trying to FIGURE it out only leads to unnecessary exhaustion.
There is however a recipe one can follow – it's called the 'BE YOUR SELF' recipe – pretty much full-proof! Now, add to it - the highly recommended 'NO-EXPECTATION' multi-vita-thon – and you should be in for a pleasant surprise. So whilst I don't recommend that you go against your grain & what you feel comfortable with in your gut – simply try a good dose of open-mindedness. My perception of what I thought in the past would be the ideal career, workplace, home … has turned out quite differently in the end. Instead, I've been blessed with opportunities far greater than what I could EVER have concocted in my own (well-developed) imagination.
Our inner colours learn how to shine with more radiance every time our beings undergo transformation. Is it not a broken heart that lures friends with empathy & wisdom to share? Is it not the darkest stormiest night that reveals the simplicity & miraculous beauty of a summer's day unfolding . . . ? The past bad-boys experiences too, merely sharpened my edge and ability to have / develop super-saturated-love-&-appreciation for the suitable combo-man (hopefully one that will compliment my colour schemes and sincronizes well enough with my scrambled thinking dome).
I absolutely believe that everyone's contribution in our lives (positive or negative) assists with our daily metamorphosis. It teach us how to recognize our own unique greatness while discovering our true destiny!
Chuck the list, forget perfection, expect sharp learning curves, make no predictions . . . always make a serious effort though.
I bet you'll hear the inner CLICK when it is right.
Until then - enjoy today, pay attention to the details & to those around you, live and let live, guard your heart, yet keep an open mind, enjoy being present – today is a gift, there may be no tomorrow.
LIFE LESSON #3
“Life is more mystery than misery. In time, insight takes form. You relate to that expression: NO PAIN, NO GAIN.” ~ extract from 'how to be HAPPY dammit (a cynic's guide to spiritual happiness)' by Karen Salmansohn & Zinzell
